Made in chelsea - the channel 4 mash up

Ad victorem spolias – to the victor go the spoils

Quick, let's have a quickie

I'm so honest with everyone, maybe it's a downfall

Do i look like jesus?

Take your passion, make it happen

Problems not solutions, that's the way i live my life

Payback's a bitch

I find it the biggest turn on that he's shouting at me

Capitalism makes you beautiful

When i was younger i experimented with clingfilm

Babe, you're attituding at me

No one likes a banjo

My mum sometimes calls me football head

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?

You've gotta level the playing field

How do they find flamingo roadkill?

Je suis amoreuse de toi

Here's to friendship

End of season party

Christmas special

When you're part of the party, you never want the party to stop

What's mine is mine and what's yours we share

Sabotage is not chic

What's the point of a point to point

I'm not really that gay at all

Until the book's closed it's open

Karma's a bitch

Everyone has skeletons in their closet

It's called dessert and apparently it's sucking richard's face

At the end of the day, i've got the crazy title. no one can steal that from me

End of season party

If you want to crack on and go head to head... you'll f****** lose

The more you can't have someone... you want them more

No one you want at a party is going to turn up to a themed party, unless it's versailles

I could fall in love with you so easily...

A man at 23 is a bit like a girl at 15

They're wriggly little buggers

I think you've got the costume wrong tonight because it's not fresh prince of bel-air

I'd rather die than be friends with her

If i wanted to sleep with other girls, i could

I used to charge younger boys for bunny cuddles

I didn't know reindeers actually existed. i thought they were, like, a mythical creature

End of season party

I made a mistake that i wanted to cover up

I am not a robot

Of course i'm going to say i'm straight

He is being a tit

Kill jamie, marry andy, kiss spencer

I wouldn't want my daughter going out with spencer matthews

Is he a fantastic lay?

See you later, spenny

It's very rare to find someone who hasn't f*cked one of your friends

Hot tubs are like my nemesis

She's becoming spencer

End of season party

I'd have sex with any of my exes

Your friends are all pretty rude

If you are going to play two girls, it's best to play two who don't know each other

I once knew someone who had a sleeping bag

Your buds are way more important than any girl

Willies aren't such a big thing, we all know that

You need to get under someone to get over someone

Let's go for a drink, maybe some fondling

Fancy a bit of african holiday sex?

If you knew everything i'd be in deep deep trouble

Miracles happen at christmas

End of season party

There's gonna be a storm

Doesn't everyone have secrets?

People think i look like karl lagerfeld

There's difference between bro code and being-a-d*ck code

If your d*ck's working, your head's working

I want to be in everyone's breast pocket, caressing half of london's nipples

Everyone loves a toff

I was sucked into a world i didn't know

You're like a fat tom daley

When are we getting married?

I tried so bad, i even got naked

What happens in new york, doesn't stay in new york

You snooze, you lose

Prudders is a beast

I'm not seasonal, i'm a timeless classic

Get out of the friend zone and kiss her

We could die tonight so let's all try to be happy

Welcome to my playpen

Someone needs to watch the sheep when the shepherd's away

It's like looking at bambi before she gets shot

You need to grow up and be a man, period!

Do you know what carrying around my past does to people?

End of season party

Let's go and get more tanned

They were literally just force feeding us relationship foie gras

Oh my god, tonsil tennis galore

I don't want two girlfriends, i want one girlfriend

I find it impossible not to think about the terracotta

The last time i saw him i was naked in a forest

She's coming round to my house for cocktails and a bit of foreplay

What a mortifying insight into people's choice of nightwear

There are two types of people in the world; radiators and drains

100th episode special

A surprise awaits below the surface

Relationships shouldn't be stressful

No one ever kicks me out of bed

You look like a unicorn

You're digging yourself a grave

He lives and breathes vagina

I've heard he's quite a thorough lover

You don't get anywhere in life without visualising the end goal

We were like two peas in a pod, and now i'm just one pea

I feel like i've been put in a naughty corner

I'm all over the place right now, emotionally and florally

There's a jamie shaped hole in my life

He’s making an armageddon of mistakes

End of season party

I used to snog girls in the towel cupboard... naked

Everyone dates everyone... that's just what we do

My mum likes getting her boobs out when she's drunk, it's fine

It's so hard talking to someone whose face doesn't move

Why am i keeping all your secrets?

You need to find someone who is weird, who you can be weird with

I was considering nipple tassles

Go get the girl

Once a cheat, always a cheat

One normally has a different tea service for every room

Marry the idiot

The aftermath

I genuinely believe he thinks he's in a disney film

Every time francis paints a girl’s heart is broken

You have got naughty little thing written all over your face

Kanye west, what is that?

Well you haven’t seen my giant silver ostrich

I don’t care about quinoa

Get off your high horse

I’m wearing his boxers today and they’re enormous

My libido is going bang right now

I’m on a bratwurst hunt

You didn’t put any breathing holes in here

Christmas party

It’s the next chapter

You just crave sex and carbs

Fred, you have a girlfriend you moron

Homewrecker, one o’clock

It looks like you are obsessed with me

He said they didn’t kiss, he said they fondled

If i could punch you in the face i would

Marriage is inevitable

Mate, i got myself in a little bit of a situation

I’m not this good a liar

This is not a baby shower, this is a fricking carnival

End of season party

I don’t like vegans, i don’t like feminists and i don’t like people who are gluten free

It’s just difficult to tell your friends what’s going on

Our future is doomed

The boy learnt to walk in loaffers, he will probably die wearing his loaffers

I don’t think you can have a proper relationship until you’ve had your heart broken

Aluminium is not really my style

We don’t need to go down memory lane dude

I won’t have a buffet until i’m dead

Two can play at that game

I’m more domesticated than a cat

Who do you think deserves a good whipping this year?

Christmas ding dong

I wanna know who she is and where she’s come from

Mimi has got a boyfriend, everyone else stay calm

Honestly, i’ve never felt like this before

I’m tortoise sitting for my neighbour

Therapy is therapeutic, this is not therapy

Don’t look at me when you’re taking your pants off please

He needs a taste of his own medicine

I literally just tried to talk dirty in latin

No one wants to shag just a personality

It is baller to be bad in bed

Darling, sabotage is such an ugly word

End of season party

If that’s a slapped a* then slap me now

I hate when my human side comes out

I love it when you get deep and dirty

Rule number one, never give back the diamonds darling

I shan’t be climbed

You’re a beggy little bitch

Some would say that i’m the king of a gesture

I’m going to redeem myself and make sure everyone loves me

You and i have gone down a very dark track

I was too blind to hear it

I think the best thing about christmas is once it’s all over

Big christmas quiz

We do complicated, don't we?

You showed my friend’s mum your testicle

She's like a little slippery eel

I was like the funny nice douche, he’s just a douche

This boy is getting in between our friendship

She’s a very odd bird

Can we have another sexual revolution please?

I need to find a tree and feed it chocolate

Sometimes when you’re drunk, the truth does come out

Maybe suck on a sweet while i tell you this

I’m gonna meghan markle myself

Some people are off limits

As far as the wrongest thing you’ve ever done, this ain’t that bad

Victoria, i will never die

Right, i’ve got a little bit of a situation

This is something that chelsea lacks – common decency!

I’m the opposite of a narcissist

Who brought maeva?

I don’t know how many more nails we can put in the coffin

He must be great in the sack

He needs to go to better lad school

Let’s break some bread

If anyone could ride a lion it’s tristan

The dudelsack is out!

Argentina baby

I wish i was a narcissist

I have a girlfriend... on paper

Let's get married

End of yah quiz

I need my binky back

I like playing in the danger zone

I don't care if it's my battle or not

If you're secure in your relationship, it shouldn't be an issue

99% of the population will understand what i'm saying

She doesn't trust him to be around me

3am is prime time booty call

You're leaving a couple of vipers for another couple of vipers

With great rig comes great responsibility

I did something really bad

You're my friend, but i also quite wanna kiss you

Once the sex is gone, the relationship is gone

I can get hard if you need me to, clive

You get angry at your own voice

Crumbs

She just got a bit over familiar

Ctrl + alt + delete habbs

The wedding

It's just...lighting the match

Stop spitting on my mink!

Julius is nursing a semi

I don't play hard to get

I've had more comfortable gynaecological appointments

The thing with you maeva is you're just slightly misunderstood

I'm coming from a good place...for once

We've just had a nice friendly jacuzzi... what's up with that?

I'm moody, if you're broody

Hurry up and break up with your boyfriend

I will skateboard on your head

Prince charmings will come and go...but i'll always be here

Did you miss me a little bit?

You're literally pouring gasoline on the fire

I think you're dismissed now

Trust is built in droplets and lost in buckets

I want a man who buys me diamonds, not silver

My heart was made into beef carpaccio

If they get married i will eat my own scrotum

This is a very big red flag in front of a very scary bull

I’m sorry for having a moment of weakness

Big dig energy

Christmas: i didn’t realise how well endowed you were

Christmas (2)

She's like a snake in sheep's clothing

I'm back

Fashion is repulsive

The truth always comes out

I'll literally regret it forever

Let's give it another go

Is there no decorum anymore?

Silence speaks volumes

This is his worst nightmare

Why be kind when you can be a bitch?

Miles is my little protégé

She’s burnt more bridges than there are in london

You are the bane of my life and the love of my life

She just kept talking like a dishwasher

You're not george clooney

I'm a one guy kinda girl

Take your red bus and shove it up your ars*h*le

I've got a feeling i might like her more than julius

You don't really know someone until you kiss them

Maeva is definitely the head of the snake

I’ve never felt more single in my life

I want you to be happy in a ‘more is more’ way

In england we play happy families

I’ve heard quieter chihuahuas

If lily's tongue wasn't down billy's throat it was up harvey's arse

I'm living in his head rent free

It was cringy, it was creepy and i did it

I can't argue with stupid

Rosé and emotions got the better of me

One of you needs to bite the bullet

The only pain i want in my life is champagne

Don't get dickmatized by this man

We love the grey zone

And the pot has been stirred

When life gives you lemons, get with olivia bentley

Here's your box of bullshit

You're going to have to park your principles in your ass right now

My eyes just did five blackflips

I'm looking for a nicer, calmer life

He's the epitome of a wet wipe

You're not going to police who i can and can't be friends with

He likes gardening, you like gucci

Did we witness a pantomime?

I wanna release my freak

Exes be gone

Have i let go of the best thing that ever happened to me?

I always get sucked back in

There was an absolute vibe

Doesn't she look like a tall glass of champagne?

"i put onions on hot dogs, so might as well put them on caviar"

"is your ego that big?"

I think she's got gentry in her

He's literally a slimy slug, he's very slug-esque

Am i like a pawn in a bigger game?

You've got to shoot your shot

We're turning back time in our face, not in our relationships

Do you still have feelings for me?

All the other rabbits are also fighting me for the carrot

You are cock blocking yourself

You can't reheat the soufflé, if you know what i mean?

That sounds a bit bootycally

Maldives: sometimes you need to think about your clitoris (1)

Maldives (2)

Episode 3
2025-04-07